It has been some time since my last post, and there’s been good reason. My family is enduring a major crisis right now, one for which we could have never prepared. Most mornings I have difficulty getting out of bed. I came close to dropping out of my graduate program, which would have been an increased burden, given the fact that I took out a substantial student loan.
I have not endured this trial very well. I often feel very alone, though my wife has been at my side the entire time. But it’s different for men. I have to remain strong for her, or at the very least, put up a good front, but she knows. She knows how broken I am, because she feels the same.
Through it all, I have to admit that God has shown His mighty hand the entire time. There are moments when things look utterly impossible and the worse scenario is the only potential, when He steps in and shows that He is still in control. It is for this reason that I begin this new subsection in my blog, “Letters from the Abyss.” God placed a burden in my heart to start it and I pray that it will encourage someone out there. I made a lot of foolish decisions during this trial, but I won’t let them define me. I will dig deep into my word on a daily basis and remain vigilant in prayer. I’ve been in impossible situations before and He remained with me, as He is now.
One of the first pieces of scripture I ever memorized, when I was a young boy, was the twenty-third Psalm, and today I take my strength from it:
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever. [1]
David knew tribulation, he was well acquainted with the failings of man. He was also a mighty warrior and maybe the best human king the world ever knew. He knew the source of his strength and power, much like Paul, who in II Corinthians 12 said:
8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. [2]
It’s hard to do this, because as a man, I want to take charge. I want to fix things. God has put me in a position where there is absolutely nothing I can do but rest in Him and trust Him, so I will. I will also document the journey.